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The Head Games: Friend Zone


The Head Games: Friend Zone

In The Start of the Head Games, we bought some real estate in our league mates’ heads. Now we need to get into the friend zone. Neglecting the hard work you’ve already established by isolating yourself is counterproductive. It is time to meet the new neighbors and start the journey toward the Title Belt!

Get into the Neighborhood Friend Zone

Let’s carry on the metaphor until we beat it to death. 

Once you move in, you’ll want to make a good first impression. Maybe your goal is to be the Home Owners Association President by the next election, but it takes patience and a little investment. So you make some muffins, tell people how much you love their tacky decorations, and just laugh as their awful children show that they have absolutely no moral compass.

What does this have to do with fantasy football? Not sure; I kind of blacked out there and clearly have some unresolved issues, but here we are, so let’s keep going!

Entering the Friend Zone

The best way to make an excellent first impression is to show that you have their best interest in mind. So why not send a league mate a message demonstrating how much you care:

Title Belt

“Hey Jerry, I see you just picked up Daniel Jones? That’s rough!”

Jerry might not think it is rough, but Jerry is an idiot and needs your help. While the rest of your league is beating up on him, now is the time to slide in his circle. That is why you’re such a good neighbor!

But don’t stop there. You are becoming a trusted friend! The next time a trade goes through, you should always give your opinion. People love that! 

“Man, Dave is so greedy. I can’t believe he took you for an extra second-round pick in rookie drafts. What a jerk!”

You would never do such a thing because you hate to see anyone acting unfairly. You are in Jerry's friend zone. He should start reaching out to discuss offers before accepting them; you are here to help.

Title Belt

Friends make sure friends don’t end up with the Toilet Seat at the end of the year. We are winning Trophies only, and you two will be there at the end celebrating like champions!

Don’t Just Side with the Losers

What a great day we had with Jerry, but let’s not forget about Dave. Did you already forget? He’s the dude who just stole a second from Jerry in the trade above. It is literally like four sentences back. You might want to invest in some Ginkgo biloba to improve that memory, but I digress.

Dave would love to hear you shower him with praise so give him a call. Tell him how awesome he is and ask how he could pull off such a deal. And then take notes because this guy is about to go into more detail about valuation than he realizes. We are just there to feed his ego like it’s Thanksgiving Day!

Office Space Fish Cleaning Scene on Make a GIF

But in all reality, Dave’s information will lead us to gut him like a fish in our next deal.

In the Zone

So here we are, making friends and building trust while taking notes. Your league maters are just signing the Squid Game Waivers without a care in the world. However, they are about to find out that you are controlling the game. So let’s save the plot twist until the end.

For now, it is nothing but friendly conversation with our new neighbors. And who doesn’t love that? So keep the smile on and your agenda hidden. 

Catch you next week in The SmackZone, where we heel turn faster than when Hulk Hogan joined NWO—or something like that!

Want to get on Mike’s good side so he doesn’t do this to you? Bring him sandwiches and follow him on Twitter!


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