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Fantasy Football Mixtape: First Quarter Mashup


 TrophySmack Fantasy Football Mixtape

Author: Cooterdoodle


We’ve made it through the first four weeks of the NFL season. So here, I made this fantasy football mixtape for you:

Fantasy Football Mixtape Track 1

This first track goes out to everyone trying to sell high on players that got you here1 in the first place. So you think you want to trade away Kyler Murray, Travis Kelce, or Derrick Henry? “Don’t sign that paper tonight.” As cliche as it sounds, if it’s not broke don’t fix it. These guys are elite and keeping them on your team wouldn’t be such a bad thing. “I don’t think it’ll be so bad. I know it won’t be so bad.”  Please don’t sell out, because “it don’t get any better than this.”

Reel Big Fish - Sell Out

Wayne's World Sells Out

Fantasy Football Mixtape Track 2

“I was lying on the grass on Sunday morning of last week indulging in my self-defeat.” My hopes were high this year for guys like Ronald Jones and Tim Tebow2. There was so much potential. I really wanted to see these players thrive, but I missed on these takes and “I missed a millions miles of fun.” It’s no one’s fault, but maybe it’s time we look elsewhere. If you’re smart, you have already combed the waiver wire and replaced the busts of lineups past.3 “I know it’s done for me,” because Ronald Jones, “you steal my sunshine.”

LEN - Steal My Sunshine

Fantasy Football Mixtape Track 3

This track goes out to everyone who is currently sitting with a big fat goose egg in the ‘Wins’ column. All you know is losing, but this isn’t over yet. Don’t be the one wearing the toilet seat at next year’s draft. “Lift yourself upon your feet, let's get it on.” Run to the waiver wire! Make trades! Even the 2020 Super Bowl-winning Tampa Bay Buccaneers had five losses last year4. There’s still hope for you yet. But just like any hopeful melody, if you don’t act fast… ”This next verse” will hit too close to home. Fast forward to 1:57 of this track to find your team’s true anthem. 

Kanye West - Lift Yourself

 

Toilet Seat LOSER

Fantasy Football Mixtape Track 4

This next track isn’t for you. It goes out to all of the players. Specifically, this song is for any guy whose season ended too soon. I would have loved to see the Rams offense with Cam Akers. Should we have a moment of silence for Baltimore? Who didn’t want to see the Ravens running the ball with Gus Edwards and J.K. Dobbins? This song goes out to Jerry Jeudy. It goes out to Michael Gallup. It goes out to Travis Etienne. This song goes out to all of the players whose seasons were entirely... too short. 

Childish Gambino - The Library (Intro)

Fantasy Football Mixtape Track 5

We all have the leaguemate who, despite being desperate for a win, continues to ask for entirely too much in their trade offers. Sometimes you wish you could reach through the phone and slap a Loser Tattoo on their face. I understand you drafted him in the first round, but that doesn’t mean I will bend over backwards for Jonathan Taylor. “Speak to me”, and let’s chat about which positions you’re wanting to upgrade. Maybe we can find a trade that benefits us both. But if you, “waste your days with thinking” the trade over and “all you got to keep is strong”... Move along. 

The All-American Rejects - Move Along

Lubing The Deals With Kenny Powers

Fantasy Football Mixtape Track 6

To end out this mixtape, I want to turn to The Wallflowers. Don’t stand to the side and exclude yourself from all of the fun. The season is just beginning and there’s plenty of changes in store. If you’re 4-0, don’t start sizing up your Championship Belt  just yet. If you’re 0-4, you can still come back and make it to the playoffs. If you’re 2-2, don’t get it twisted… you need to keep trying and climb your way to the top. When Jakob Dylan sang:  “Hey-hey-hey. Come on try a little. Nothing is forever. Got to be something better than in the middle,” he was talking to every single one of us. Keep climbing to the top.5

The Wallflowers - One Headlight

1 Here = the top of the leader boards.
2 For legal reasons, this is a joke.
3 Ebenezer Scrooge approved this joke.
4
Sure. It wasn’t consecutive losses, but I’m trying to make you feel better.
5 Honorable mention for this track was Bop To The Top by Ryan and Sharpay. Slip and slide and ride that rhythm!
For more fantasy football, music, and everything in between: follow @cooterdoodle on Twitter. 

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